Chronicles of My Artistic Recovery

A long fall from the wagon.

Mon, 04 Jun 2007 21:41:46 GMT

I haven't created jack in nearly a month. I've let everything else in my life sneak in and take over ALL of my time. The Farmers' Market kickoff is quickly approaching and I only have done about one tenth of what I need to do.

I'm exhausted but I am determined to get back to work.

A Long-Awaited Update.

Wed, 16 May 2007 22:28:44 GMT

There hasn't been much time in my schedule for even the quickest of updates lately. Warm weather seems to bring about so many extra things that the family has to do - softball, Girl Scouts, clubs, whatever. Maybe it just seems like more in the Spring and Summer.

I got my first "commissioned" job. All digital and EASY. Another Entrepreneur Mom I know that makes some really awesome vintage-style stuff with retro fabrics and oilcloth hired me to knock her socks off with a new logo and the layout/design of her line sheets. Her business is really picking up and she's been approached by some BIG retailers that want her stuff but she has no marketing materials to give them. Leave it to me. Oh, and she's paying me with merchandise and I'm TOTALLY okay with that. I'll be handing her the logo samples tomorrow.

I've been doing some linoleum cuts lately and have (so far) done two short print runs. Part of one is going in as another contest entry and the rest will be matted and framed (evilegg, I could use some advice on this - or hire you if you're willing to ship) to sell at the Farmers' Market this summer. Speaking of the Market, I've been scoping it out every day they're open and have yet to see anyone else with original 2-D artwork. There were a couple of potters and a woodcarver, but that's it. That bodes well for me.

I have a juried show that I'm about to submit entries for that I'm pretty excited about. The deadline is looming (05/31) and I'm supposed to be getting some kid-free time tonight to work on that. Cross your fingers for me!

Guess who entered another competition/exhibition?

Fri, 04 May 2007 05:13:37 GMT

That would be me. I think that the competitive aspect of the project motivates me just enough to keep me from giving up.

This contest is for CD cover designs. They give random imaginary album names and song lists for the mock-ups and basically you have freedom to do whatever. I LOVE my imaginary album - I don't think I could have asked for anything better. Did I mention that the prizes are $1500, $1000, and $500? Damn right I'm gonna get my hopes up.

Here's my submission (click for a bigger view):

Things are getting done.

Tue, 01 May 2007 11:38:55 GMT

I have a stack of shiny new addressed and stamped postcards waiting for the mail.

I also have an envelope, cover letter, and entry form all prepared for the exhibit submission I'm sending. To go with that, I also have a nice and short edition of 15 prints to include as my entry. The prints dried overnight and are just waiting to be signed and numbered. This is also probably the only self-portrait I've ever done, or at least it is the only one I can remember. They were a pretty good hunk of work but fun to make and well worth the effort.

Paint has been hitting the canvas. Slowly, but surely. I'll have another abandoned painting done by the end of the week if all goes well.

Where are all of the drawings I "should" be doing? Well, they've been bumped down the list of priorities while I take care of backlogged projects, the occasional seduction of some new medium, or the tending of those new sparks of ideas that pop into my head and just burn bigger and brighter until I take action on them - like last night's prints. The drawings will get done eventually. Maybe I'll knock though this block and pull some great ideas from the back of my brain, who knows?

B-O-R-I-N-G Progress Report

Mon, 30 Apr 2007 18:26:01 GMT

Well, I was right. I'm extending Week 9 another week. This is a tough one, all right. I can't shake the thoughts like "You shouldn't be sitting here reading email, you should be drawing/painting/sewing! Don't be so lazy about it." I'm not lazy, I'm getting through a block.

The weekend was dry artistically except for a handful of photographs and some "playing" with watercolor and pencil I did on Sunday.

My email this morning greeted me with an invitation to enter a print exhibition starting in Seattle that will travel and be shown at five or six different locations before it is retired. I've done tons of printing over the years and am actually quite interested in and excited about this show. I've never entered MYSELF in any kind of show - juried or non - someone else has always done it behind my back. Nice, huh? Now I get to take a big first step without ever having made a plan for this kind of thing. Seat of my pants, that's how I roll.

I've actually got a piece of work in my head for this show that I'm hoping to get to tonight. It will be a two-process print: wood block followed by screen printing. I'll be sure to post a pic as soon as there is one!

Wake up, brain!

Fri, 27 Apr 2007 12:30:43 GMT

I'm stuck on these mock-ups that I need to send back to the Interested Publisher. I don't have anything together yet. I feel like I need a nice, big chunk of time to work on them (which is hard to come by) because of their level of importance. I could be making excuses because I'm blocked and the ideas are drying up. IF I can manage to get the kids to nap today, my plan is to just start some random doodling - you know, the kind that happens when you're on the phone - and just see what happens. I'm hoping to have one image spark an idea for another and so on.

I forgot to mention that I finally ordered the postcards for the second mailing on Tuesday. They have already en route to me (speedy!) and will definitely hit the mail before the May 14th postage rate increase. I just HAVE to use all of the 23-cent stamps I have sitting around. Hey, whatever motivates you, right?

Another early start today.

Thu, 26 Apr 2007 22:58:42 GMT

I was up again this morning at the crack of dark to "sneak off" to the attic/studio. That's really saying something as I'm about as far from a morning person as you can get. I think that it has been helping me to get my brain in the right gear to get through the rest of my day without going completely nuts.

It seems the Crazymakers in my life are at it again. Some people really need to open their eyes and see that all of the negativity that they muddle through every day is INVITED NEGATIVITY. My mother is at the top of this list and is always using her favorite passive-aggressive techniques to fish for sympathy and to get me to volunteer to solve her problems for her. Sorry. Until you decide that YOU are going to change YOUR OWN LIFE, don't expect things to start looking up.

I've been doing some online "socializing" at a great bulletin board for artists. It is very motivating to hear about what others are working on and to see how supportive they are of each other. I feel like this group (of THOUSANDS!) is a very healthy place for me to be at this point in my recovery process.

Reverting to Realism

Thu, 26 Apr 2007 03:18:36 GMT

I think my fountain of imagination is running low. Either that or I'm just not willing to make the effort to come up with something fresh out of my head. I HAVE been working, though, and even got up at the crack of dark this morning to get a jump on a new project. I also made some progress on another of the abandoned paintings that was no more than a primed canvas with a chalk sketch on it. It now has paint. Three colors, even.

A sketch I did this morning of an American Goldfinch (from a photograph):

Sad News.

Tue, 24 Apr 2007 17:44:40 GMT

One of my favorite creative tools, the PrintGocco from Japan, has been discontinued. I am very sad to hear about this. This is the BEST tool for making limited edition prints and greeting cards. It is clean, fast, and easy desktop screenprinting. I had wondered why things I needed were always "out of stock" at DickBlick.com when I went to order them.

This means I'll now be competing with thousands of others for replacement screens and other supplies on ebay :(

It Was Only a Speed Bump After All

Tue, 24 Apr 2007 11:42:58 GMT

The abandoned painting that I was stuck on? I touched up one thing last night and dubbed it "finished". It's all varnished and signed.

Now, on to another!

Week 9

Tue, 24 Apr 2007 11:38:07 GMT

Thanks to everyone for all of the virtual High-Fives from yesterday!

I just started Week 9 - Recovering a Sense of Compassion. In a nutshell, you're supposed to lighten up with yourself and realize that the reason you're not producing artwork is because you're blocked - not lazy. You're supposed to be nice and supportive of your inner artist.
This is going to be my toughest week yet. I've been beating myself up and doing exactly what I'm NOT supposed to do for YEARS (thanks, Mom, for turning me into a self-hater.) I'm thinking I'm going to have to stretch this "week" out to three or four to be sure that I've got the new habits down pat.

I shook my brain a bit last night to see what would rattle out in regard to the mock-ups I'm going to send back to the publisher but so far nothing has come out. I think I'm frozen with shock and fear. I don't even know what I have to be afraid of - they've already shown some interest in what I have to offer.

I'm going to be fighting with this for the next few days. I'll update as soon as I reach a turn in the road or some kind of breakthrough.

HOLY CRAP! A RESPONSE!

Mon, 23 Apr 2007 21:07:31 GMT

I gathered the mail from the box today with not a single thought that there might be a letter in there from any of the publishers I contacted through the postcard mailing a month ago - but there it was.

It's from one of my top 15 choices. It's a very eco-friendly greeting card publisher. They don't do assignment work but encourage the artist to use their imagination. They don't buy all the rights to an image.

They like my "quirky" style and want me to send them five to ten mock-ups.

SHIT! I'VE GOT TO GET TO WORK!

Filling the Form

Mon, 23 Apr 2007 12:50:07 GMT

I've been plugging along with the abandoned paintings and have reached a stuck point. I've left one on the easel since Thursday night and am waiting to see if it "feels done" or if something needs more work. I hate doing this because it usually means that I'm unhappy with the progress of the piece, I'm subconsciously stalling the decision-making, or I'm letting the Inner Critic talk and talk and talk to try and convince me that it's crap anyway. That Critic just will not let it rest.

I've been "Filling the Form" everyday with some gardening while the weather here is still cool enough that I can tolerate it. I like to get everything arranged and planted before May so it really has a chance to grow and fill-in the beds so I can just sit back and enjoy it in July and August. Did I mention that the Summer heat and humidity in Virginia would REALLY surprise most people. It kills me.

I've been fighting through some self-inflicted guilt recently about not drawing every day. I pulled the sketchbook out and it's been sitting at the kitchen table staring at me threateningly all morning. I'm just going to have to feed it regularly to make this guilt go away.

I'm trying to decide on an image for the next postcard and hope to make a decision before Wednesday. It may already be too late to get them mailed before the postage rate increase, but I've got to get it out there anyway. I've only got about three images I'm trying to narrow down, but that damned Critic has really been tearing them up.

30-Second Update

Tue, 17 Apr 2007 15:51:11 GMT

I'll try to do this with the kids fighting in the same room and the toddler climbing all over me.

I finished another of the "loose end" paintings last night. I haven't made an official count yet, but if memory serves I have only four still waiting. This second completed painting should really be motivating me to push forward, but for some reason it is not.

"The Artist's Way" talks a lot about ups and downs while embarking on a creative recovery, referring to both productivity and emotions. I haven't really hit a down point until now and it's a really LOW down. I'm at the point where I'm ready to numb myself to everything around me to not have to use my energy to deal with the day to day. I'm going to have to eventually dig myself out of this hole somehow.

Wrapping up some OLD loose ends.

Mon, 16 Apr 2007 13:40:34 GMT

I've been motivated by my return to recreational painting and have decided to devote some time to completing those abandoned works I was talking about. I promised myself that I'd tackle at least one a week until the studio was free of those nagging, unfinished canvases. So far, so good. I'm also a bit surprised at how much better I feel about their quality now, too. I don't really think my techniques have improved much but my way of looking at my work has changed considerably. That's what this recovery is all about, right? Motivation and acceptance.

I'm still drawing. I've let myself be more relaxed about the quantity, though, since I've decided to work on wrapping up the old stuff. Painting takes so much more time, and it's time that has to be DEDICATED to painting (you can't just carry a 24 x 36 canvas with you on errands in case you get a few minutes.)

I'm trying to decide on a drawing for the next postcard. I hope to have it in the mail before the end of this month so I'd better get moving. Right now, I'm leaning towards the surfing pie. We'll see.

Self Discovery

Thu, 12 Apr 2007 13:08:10 GMT

I painted LATE last night and EARLY this morning. It's something I enjoy doing but one of those things that I start and can never seem to finish. I have a stack of about a dozen unfinished paintings in the studio/attic that have been waiting for me to work on them for nearly a year now.

The painting I started last night I actually FINISHED and I think I know why. I made sure that any time my critic showed her nasty little head that she was promptly bound and gagged. I painted to ENJOY PAINTING, not to have a piece to hang in a goddam gallery or grace the walls of a museum. It turns out that I actually prefer the way this piece turned out more than any of the pieces I worried and fretted over "getting right" before.

I also discovered today that I am absolutely hypnotized by Mexican folk art. I love everything about it - the vivid colors, the primitive look of the subjects, the geometric designs, EVERYTHING. When I look at the paintings I've worked on in the past couple of years, I can definitely see some of that influence.

I'm afraid I'll never be able to visit Mexico for fear that I'll be in a years-long trance looking at a mural on the side of a building somewhere or something.

Tonight's doodle

Sun, 01 Apr 2007 04:07:04 GMT

Update

Wed, 28 Mar 2007 21:17:33 GMT

I haven't been posting much about recovery lately, but rest assured that I'm still on track. I'm heading into Week 6 now and am feeling very optimistic about my progress.

I submitted my paperwork to register as a vendor with the 17th Street Farmers' Market last week - this is the fourth year in a row I've registered and I have yet to even go attempt to sell. I am going to make this summer different. My first scheduled Market weekend is June 16-17 and I'll be taking along postcards, greeting cards, framed prints, and some original paintings - ALL MY OWN WORK. I'm not letting fear (even disguised as laziness) get the best of me. I'm even trying to drag lucky_fool along with some of his lovely metal and wood handicrafts!

The wiring for the ceramic kiln was finally installed yesterday. I picked up everything I need to get a big batch of tiles cooking and will be starting that project with the daughter this weekend. I think I'm more excited than her. I can vividly remember the magic kiln transformation of a glazed clay dinosaur that I made in first grade that had me wanting that magic at arm's reach ever since. Now I have it.

I updated the portfolio page of the website to give it a better mix of work - none of it really is going to be new to you folks, you've seen it here first. I've got postcard #2 in the works and will schedule its mailing sometime in late April. I promise to plug away at some more drawings. I'm getting more and more satisfied with their quality as I progress.

Still plugging away...

Mon, 26 Mar 2007 00:45:31 GMT

Getting back in gear

Thu, 22 Mar 2007 20:02:06 GMT

After another half-hour of fighting with the sewing machine last night, I eventually gave up and moved to the drawing desk. I had an unusual surge of inspiration that I suspect had something to do with watching a few minutes of Food Network and then going straight upstairs and turning on the Beatles' Magical Mystery Tour. It was weird stuff, I tell you.

I cranked out three finished drawings (small but versatile) and was flooded with ideas for more. I'm going to try and squeeze in more drawing time tonight, either with some kid-wrangling assistance or after they go to bed. The post-bedtime stuff just hasn't been working very well since they don't get to sleep until around 10:30 PM and I'm usually EXHAUSTED by that point. I will tough it out and finish at least one more piece because IT IS GOOD FOR ME.

Also, the finished postcards finally arrived today and they have all been stamped and readied for their address labels. They will go to the post office tomorrow. Once they have been dropped through the pickup slot I will begin spiffying up the website LIKE A MAD WOMAN ON A MISSION! Be prepared for a critique.

Backsliding - again.

Wed, 21 Mar 2007 19:51:30 GMT

I don't really feel like I've done much with my creative muscles lately. I did work on that recreational sewing project quite a bit but quit after an hour feeling a little angry and bitter towards my sewing machine for not being "in the zone" with me.

I canceled this Saturday's workshop because folks have already been calling in with sick kids. It's a real load off my mind to not have to worry about that this week. This is the bookbinding class that uses a TON of materials and requires real one-on-one help for most of the sewing steps. I'll reschedule the workshop for sometime in late April when I'm more motivated.

I'm hoping to catch up on some overdue drawing time in place of teaching the workshop this Saturday. Other than the tattoo from last weekend, I haven't drawn even a speck of a doodle in a week and I'm feeling guilty about it. The media deprivation thing seems to only push me to go and spend money or take a nap instead of doing "creative" things.

I need to come up with a fresh way of collecting inspiration.

"Filling the Form"

Mon, 19 Mar 2007 19:11:47 GMT

"Filling the Form" is a phrase from The Artist's Way that refers to what you did in a day that could qualify as flexing your artistic muscles. Not necessarily your normal artistic outlet, just something that uses the creative parts of your brain.

I've been trying to keep track of those things that "fill the form" in my everyday life and I recently discovered that I was using more of those artistic muscles than I had thought. I haven't had any quiet time yet today to do any illustrations but I did manage to work in some fabric applique/collage while I was making phone calls for household business. That fills the form. I also made several mental pictures and jotted down some notes and plans for this Summer's landscaping and gardening. That also fills the form.

I am now in Week 4 and am about to enter the Media Deprivation segment of recovery. Starting tomorrow, I'm limiting myself to 15 minutes of email and internet in the morning and another 15 minutes at night. No books, no magazines, no newspaper, no TV. The point is to see what happens and what you can accomplish without all of these things to distract you and numb your subconscious.

I'll try and get in a quick report of the results tomorrow evening!

Postcard Update

Sun, 18 Mar 2007 13:28:24 GMT

The cards were shipped to me from the printer yesterday and should be here by Wednesday. I've already got the labels file created from the database of contacts I built and it's just waiting to be printed.

Tomorrow I buy stamps in preparation!

I'm a busy little bee.

Thu, 15 Mar 2007 23:38:22 GMT

Since I have the house to myself, I'm heading up to the attic to throw down some ideas onto paper. In the mean time:

Okay, Readers, a little help, please...

Thu, 15 Mar 2007 20:49:06 GMT

I want to try my hand at illustrating something that someone else wants me to draw instead of the things that normally just come from the back of my mind. I figure that I'd better get used to that if I'm going to be drawing for hire.

Anyone care to share an excerpt from their favorite children's story or classic fable that they'd like to see me attempt?